Κανείς δεν ένιωσε τον πόνο μου














My greatest fear is losing my sanity. I am aware that most of my friends or relatives would find this an unreasonable fear. This is because I have a remarkable ability in tricking any co-speaker on my reasoning abilities. I can come up with coherent, persuasive arguments on any subject and I often show off using my self-doubt mode of thinking. However, this is but an image, my means of adjusting to the ways of the rest of the world, my power to charm and make friends or lovers. Underneath all these, there lies a system of personal dogmas and fears based on the most unreasonable thoughts. For example, it’s Saturday night and I am in the mood of going out for a drink. The reasonable thing to do is to go. That I do not do. Instead I stay in, because – for example- I switched on the tv and it was playing the exact ad that it had played the previous time I switched it on. There’s a self-adjusting and developing web of crazy thoughts and connections inside me which I often follow with the devotion of a religious person. Indeed, God, at least my personal version of God, enforces these metaphysical rules on me as an exchange for a healthy and happy life for myself and my beloved ones. At times I feel I have an inner dark self, medieval in all respects: obsession with sickness, calamity and disaster and above all faith in revenge. Him I never show, and I have to admit that I am ashamed of, even though bound to.

Ακούμε 'Κανείς δεν ένιωσε τον πόνο μου' από Στέλιο Καζαντζίδη  ¶ 9:32 AM